Tuesday Morning Quarterback--Week 5

As BYE weeks continue and injuries abound, Week 5 was quite interesting for the league. There were two match-ups that were decided by less than one point. Three teams moved to 4-1 and 3 teams moved to 1-4. Wide receivers who did poorly all had one thing in common...not being thrown to (as opposed to dropped balls or short/lost yards). So without further ado...I give you your Week 5 recap!

According to team owner L. Taylor, all of her players except kicker Stephen Gostkowski are being fired after another dismal performance from the Powder Puffs in week 5. Mt. Morris Mayhem ran over the Puffs, defeating them by a nearly 40 point margin. The Mayhem got consistent, double digit, play from 5 of it's roster players while leaving no wasted players on the bench. The Puffs flaked out again, with no offensive players earning more than 9.20 points. QB Tom Brady (who sat out this game on the Puffs bench) scored double the points that Coach Taylor's keeper (the "newly revived" Brett Favre) earned in week 5. Even if the Puffs had gotten the wasted points on the bench from Brady and TE Kellen Winslow, the team would still be sitting where they are right now, at 1-4 and at the bottom of Division 1.

In the first of two very tight games, George Crush managed to squeak by TheRiskers 105.51 to 105.09. The Crush were able to overcome Jerricho Cotchery's injured hammie with outstanding play from Brandon Marshall and Ray Rice. The Crush also left some insurance points on the bench in Thomas Jones. TheRiskers, by contrast, left 34.36 points on the bench that would have definitely kept Coach J. Risk from a current losing record. Star RB Michael Turner's 24.47 points could not make up for the disgusting 2 INTs from Joe Flacco and a very off day for Chris Johnson. The Crush continue to roll over opponents, and will likely see a top seed in the playoffs.

After a rough start, last year's champ has surged ahead on a 4 game winning streak (although TMQ must mention that his ONE loss came at the hands of his beautiful wife). The Mauraders defeated Ur Momma by 20 points this week in a game with some stud playing from Peyton Manning and Ronnie Brown. The Mauraders also did not waste any tallent on the bench. Ur Momma suffered from 2 lost fumbles (one on the goal line by Steven Jackson), less points from the combined WR spot than what Ted Ginn, Jr. left on the bench, and Chad OUCHocinco's continued slump. I think the following stat sums it up...when your WR is getting a season high of SEVEN catches, you aren't gonna win. Ur Momma can be see some light at the end of this week's tunnel with promises that Bernard Berrian will be seeing more throws from Favre in the coming weeks.

Clearly the move to retirement was a good one for Coach Jim Risk. Or maybe it was the addition of his wife's team management. Whatever it is, the Falcon Retrievers have a winning record. In a game where no players were wasted by either team, FR proved to be the best in this matchup against Fairmont Fury. FR got star play with the return of Donovan McNabb and the New York Giants defense, in addition to a typical Adrian Peterson day and studly play from Cedric Benson. The Fury's head coach is not douby FURYous about his teams' performance this week. Derrick Mason was only thrown to once and got ZERO points. Willis McGahee got two touches all game, and TE Chris Cooley was held to no catches for the first time in 77 games. TMQ still believes that Coach B. Taylor is keeping his record the same as his wife's to keep peace in the house. What's the story Bob?

The final match-up was the second decided by a mere 0.09 points. Blitzburg was able to tiptoe past the Silver Bullets in the lowest scoring match-up to date this year. Four other teams scored more points individually than this match-up scored together! Blitzburg can thank Tony Romo and Glen Coffee (WHO??) for overcoming Calvin Johnson's injury that pulled him from the game early. The Silver Bullets played their optimal line-up this week, but were defeated not only by Blitzburg, but by David Garrard who had 4 sacks and 2 fumbles (one of which was returned for a TD). Star Roddy White's 28 points couldn't make up for Garrard, the San Fransisco defense, and Mike Sims-Walker, who was deactivated for violating the team's itinerary. Let's hope next week is better for both teams.

Stars:

QB--Donovan McNabb (Falcon Retrievers) 23.60
WR--Roddy White (Silver Bullets) 28.00
RB--Michael turner (TheRiskers) 24.47
TE--Heath Miller (Mt. Morris Mayhem) 9.60
K--Lawrence Tynes (George Crush) 14.00
DEF-New York Giants (Falcon Retrievers) 35.68

Studs:

Ahmad Bradshaw (Fairmont Fury) 23.00
Peyton Manning (Mt. Morris Mauraders) 22.73
Ronnie Brown (Mt. Morris Mauraders) 18.39
Clinton Portis (Fairmont Fury) 16.93
Ray Rice (George Crush) 15.53

Duds:

David Garrard (Silver Bullets) -5.23
Willis McGahee (Fairmont Fury) 0.13
Jerricho Cotchery (George Crush) 0.27 (injured hamstring)
DeAngelo Williams (Mt. Morris Mauraders) 0.93
New York Jets Defense (Blitzburg) 2.48
San Fransisco Defense (Silver Bullets) 3.84

Wasted on the Bench:

Matt Ryan (TheRiskers) 23.43
Kellen Winslow (Powder Puffs) 18.80
Thomas Jones (George Crush) 14.80
Tom Brady (Powder Puffs) 13.31--double the points of the QB played
Ted Ginn, Jr. (Ur Momma) 11.08--had more than both WRs played combined
Dwayne Bowe (TheRiskers) 10.93
Kevin Smith (Blitzburg) 6.33